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The Sexy Sneak Attack

I never planned to become a sexuality coach.

I just knew I felt defective in relationships. I chose the “wrong” men. A friend once described me as having a bent antennae. I yo-yo-ed between feeling totally disconnected from my turn-on and feeling entirely out of control when it showed up. Evidence indicated that when it came to intimacy I hurt people or they hurt me. Sometimes both.

Meanwhile, the resounding answer to the question: “what never fails to make you smile?” was sex. I LOVED to ask questions about it and crack jokes with it. My sense of humor still harbored a middle school-er.

In the incredible read, “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski, she explains the Dual Control Model. Put simply, when it comes to getting down, we all have brakes and an accelerator. What varies between individuals is the sensitivity of their brakes and the responsiveness and speed of their accelerator. Not to mention, different things hit the brakes of different people. For one person, a messy house puts on the brakes. For another it’s a particular mood. For many, stress puts on the brakes.

I was floored when I read this eye opening tutorial. My jaw dropped as I realized: “I’m not even in the CAR!”

So the questions arose: Why am I not in the car? How do I get in the car? What do I do when I’m in the car and picking up speed on the motorway? How do I drive a car with a low braking system and a sensitive accelerator? How do I entrust the keys to another person when the last one (okay the last three) rammed it into the garage door and drove it off a cliff.

So I got a coach, specifically a coach that specializes in the Erotic Blueprints (™) (Lea Newman, y’all. She’s a magician.) At the time, it felt like I couldn’t afford it, but the cost of staying out of the car felt greater. Seemingly against my will, my “defective-ness” unraveled and revealed a parchment depicting an archaic map of the past. The map was beautiful and outdated. I kept it as artwork and unplugged it from my internal gps. Pleasure became less of a mystery. Then, POOF, a dreamboat and playmate showed up.

Next thing, I knew I was studying the damn thing. How could I not? My coaching ship had already launched and this topic of exploration directly supported my highest values: love and joy. Learning poured slow and sweet. It sprouted like mystery seeds in a batch of homemade compost.

Now comes the scary part, telling you I’ve fallen in love again. I’ve fallen in love with something new and I can’t wait to introduce you. It’s called the Erotic Blueprints and it’s widened my perspective and enhanced my life. Check out the quiz to get a little taste and I’d adore hearing your results. Life is too short to stay out of the Vehicle of Pleasure and Love.

Here’s the Quiz!


Yogi Gone Rogue


Anika Spencer | San DIego, CA

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